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Brizzley's Farm News

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Ducks Observe Lunar Eclipse, Offer Explanation

The Astrophysical Ducks observed the lunar eclipse of January 20, 2000, with great interest. Although they were in the barn, the amount of light coming through the translucent ridge strip varied as the eclipse progressed, allowing the ducks to make accurate measurements. The ducks, who frequently speak in unison, said, "The Featherless Bipeds may have thought we would be caught flat-footed by this event. Our report will put the lie to their fowl canards."

The morning after the eclipse, several of the ducks were seen wearing necklaces, an uncommon sight. After the barn door was opened in the morning, the ducks immediately went out to their water tub and bathed. (Ducks, as you may know, are hardy and enjoy bathing in icy water.) Immediately after bathing, they went to a patch of loose gravel on the driveway and squatted down against the gravel. Small rocks then froze to their feathers in an arc across their breasts, giving them nice necklaces.

After ornamenting themselves, the ducks then offered their explanation of the cause of the lunar eclipse. Unlike the Featherless Bipeds, the ducks are aware of the fact that there are two great eggs in the sky: the warm egg and the cold egg. Quorg, which is their name for the demon that taught the featherless bipeds to commit infanticide against the feathered ones, sometimes eats an egg. After Quorg eats the egg, Super Quack, their name for the Great Mother with Feathers, lays a new egg so that the world will be as it should be.

Measurements made during the eclipse confirmed the Quorg - Super Quack (QSQ) theory, according to the ducks. Their superior hearing detected the many obnoxious digestive noises made by Quorg as he devoured the cold egg. Additionally, they received visions of grasshoppers from Super Quack during the celebration after she laid the new egg.

The management has congratulated the Astrophysical Ducks for their superior research, and rewarded them with an extra large ration of chopped corn. The ducks used the occasion to announce that they have also determined that the sun (the warm egg) will continue to rise for at least another week, but that the cold egg will rise later and later every night until, about two weeks from now, it will not appear in the night sky.

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